About one in four American children today lives in a single-parent home. And though the circumstances may vary (many parents are divorced, a few are widowed, and others are single parents by choice), the reality is that solo parenting is often stressful, demanding, and hectic. If you are a single mom or dad, there are 10 things you can do to help minimize the stress in your life — and bring back the joy of parenting. This information is from Americanbaby.com.

1. Get a handle on finances. Raising a family on one income or relying on an ex-spouse for child support, can be one of the hardest aspects of parenting alone. That’s why it’s important to take steps to budget your money, learn about long-term investments, plan for college and retirement, and, if possible, enhance your earning power by going back to school or getting additional job training.

2. Set up a support system. All single parents need help — whether it’s someone to watch the kids while you run out to do errands or simply someone to talk to when you feel overwhelmed. While it’s tempting to try to handle everything alone, ask friends and family members for help. You can join a single-parent support group, or, if finances allow, hire a trusted sitter to help out with the kids or someone to assist with housework.

3. Maintain a daily routine. Try to schedule meals, chores, bedtimes, and other family functions at regular hours so that your child knows exactly what to expect each day. A consistent routine will help your child feel more secure and help you feel more organized.

4. Be consistent with discipline. Children thrive when they know which behaviors are expected of them and which rules they need to follow. If you are divorced or separated, try to work with your spouse to create and observe consistent rules and methods of discipline. (There’s nothing more stressful than having one parent undermine the other.) If your child has other caregivers, talk to them about how you expect your child to be disciplined.

5. Answer questions honestly. Inevitably, questions will come up about the changes in your family, or about the absence of one parent. Answer your child’s questions in an open, honest, and age-appropriate way. Make sure that your child gets the help and support he needs to deal with difficult emotions.

6. Treat kids like kids. With the absence of a partner, it’s sometimes tempting to rely too heavily on children for comfort, companionship, or sympathy. But children have neither the emotional capacity nor the life experience to act as substitute adult partners. If you find yourself depending on your kids too much, or expressing your frustrations to them, seek out adult friends and family members to talk to. Or seek counseling if necessary.

7. Abolish the word “guilt” from your vocabulary. It’s always easy for single parents to feel guilty about the time they don’t have or the things they can’t do or provide for their children. But for your own sense of well-being, it’s better to focus on all the things you do accomplish on a daily basis and on all the things you do provide — and don’t forget about all the love, attention, and comfort you’re responsible for! (If you ever question your day-to-day achievements, just make a list.) If you’re feeling guilty about a divorce or other disruption in your home life, think about joining a support group for other divorced parents. Focus on helping your child (and yourself) get the help you need.

8. Take time for your children. Even though the piles of laundry and dirty dishes may beckon, set aside time each day to enjoy your kids. (After all, isn’t that what parenting is all about?) Spend quiet time playing, reading, going for a walk, or simply listening to music together. And most important, focus on the love between you and on your relationship as a family.

9. Take time for yourself. Likewise, it’s important to schedule time for yourself. Even if it’s something as simple as reading a book, taking a warm bath, or having a chat with a friend, setting aside a little personal time will give you a chance to refuel.

10. Stay positive. It’s easy to become overwhelmed by all the responsibilities and demands of single parenthood. On top of that, you may be experiencing the pain of divorce, separation, or the death of a spouse. Despite all of your own feelings, though, it’s important to maintain a positive attitude, since your children are affected by your moods. The best way to deal with stress is to exercise regularly, maintain a proper diet, get enough rest, and seek balance in your life. If you feel sad sometimes, it’s okay; but be sure to let your children know that they are not the cause of your problems–and good times like ahead of you.

Disciplining children is one of the key jobs of any parent – maybe the most important job a parent has. But whether or not that discipline should include spanking or other forms of corporal punishment is a far trickier issue. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), with over 60,000 members nationwide,does not endorse spanking for any reason, citing its lack of long-term effectiveness as a behavior-changing tactic. Instead the AAP supports strategies such as “time-outs,” praising good behavior, suffering consequences (both natural and logical), and removal of privileges, among other things.

Now, researchers at Tulane University provide some of the strongest evidence yet against the use of spanking: of the nearly 2,500 youngsters in their study, those who were spanked more frequently at age 3 were more likely to be aggressive by age 5. The research supports earlier work on corporal punishment, such as a study by Duke University researchers that revealed that infants who were spanked at 12 months scored lower on cognitive tests at age 3.

“There is now some nice hard data that can back up clinicians when they share their caution with parents against using corporal punishment,” says Dr. Jayne Singer, clinical director of the child and parent program at Children’s Hospital Boston, who was not involved in the study.

The Tulane study, led by Catherine Taylor, was the first to control simultaneously for variables that are most likely to confound the association between spanking and later aggressive behavior. The researchers accounted for factors such as acts of neglect by the mother, violence or aggression between the parents, maternal stress and depression, the mother’s use of alcohol and drugs, and even whether the mother considered abortion while pregnant with the child.

Each of these factors contributed to children’s aggressive behavior at age 5, but they could not explain all of the violent tendencies at that age. Further, the positive connection between spanking and aggression remained strong, even after these factors had been accounted for.

“The odds of a child being more aggressive at age 5 if he had been spanked more than twice in the month before the study began increased by 50%,” says Taylor. And because her group also accounted for varying levels of natural aggression in children, the researchers are confident that “it’s not just that children who are more aggressive are more likely to be spanked.”

What the study, published in the professional journal Pediatrics, shows is that outside of the most obvious factors that may influence violent behavior in children, spanking still remains a strong predictor. “This study controls for the most common risk factors that people tend to think of as being associated with aggression,” says Singer. “This adds more credence, more data, and more strength to the argument against using corporal punishment.

Among the mothers who were studied, nearly half (45.6%) reported no spanking in the previous month; 27.9% reported spanking once or twice; and 26.5% reported spanking more than twice. Compared with children who were not hit, those who were spanked were more likely to be defiant, demand immediate satisfaction of their wants and needs, get frustrated easily, have temper tantrums, and lash out physically against others.

The reason for that, says Singer, may be that spanking instills fear rather than understanding. Even if a child were to stop his screaming tantrum when spanked, that doesn’t mean he understands why he shouldn’t be acting out in the first place. What’s more, spanking models aggressive behavior as a solution to problems.

For children to understand what and why they have done something wrong, it may take repeated efforts on the parent’s part, using time-outs – a strategy that typically involves denying the child any attention, praise or interaction with parents for a specified period of time (that is, the parents ignore the child). These quiet times force children to calm down and learn to think about their emotions, rather than acting out on them blindly.

Now, I personally know from previous articles I’ve written on this subject that there are parents who believe very strongly and passionately in corporal punishment.  Often they cite the Bible as a source for defending the practice. However, many ministers today are speaking out against that interpretation of scripture.  To give an example, the Reverend Dr. Thomas E. Sagendorf, a United Methodist minister, says, “I can find no sanction in the teachings of Jesus or the witness of the New Testament to encourage the practice of corporal punishment.  The attitude of Jesus toward children was wise, loving, and filled with compassion. Anyone who takes seriously Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount will immediately see that it’s inconceivable that Jesus of Nazareth–compassionate as he was toward the weak and powerless–would ever sanction or participate in violence toward children. It’s hard to conceive of Jesus hitting a child on any occasion or for any reason.  Jesus was overwhelmingly committed to non-violent response.  A number of voices, however, do take a different view, often quoting Old Testament scriptures to prove their point; but those who subscribe to this argument misunderstand and misuse scripture.  A similar method of selective reading could just as well be used to justify slavery, suppression of women, polygamy, incest, and infanticide.”

I am well aware that some parents who condone corporal punishment will never be convinced by scientific research that it is not effective; and certainly that is their right.  I am merely sharing this newest information, and you can do with it what you like.  It is, indeed, true that spanking may stop a child from misbehaving in the short term; however, it becomes less and less effective with repeated use, according to the AAP. It also makes discipline more difficult as the child gets older and outgrows spanking. As the latest study shows, investing the time early on to teach a child why this behavior is wrong may translate to a youngster who is more self-aware and in control later on.